What Do You Love?

After the Mayan Wave ascension date (October 28) and after the populace inspired ascension date (11-11-11), I must say I had been feeling rather even-keeled and hopeful about life and the world. I sensed that the Occupy movement--although important in its own right--was just the 'fire in the belly' ignition for a great creative phase that will reign over this planet as one of the greatest creative phases of all time--a creative Renaissance, if you will.

Then suddenly late yesterday, I was beset by feelings of frustration and sadness about my creativity having no outlet in my everyday workaday life. I felt like there was all this expression in me looking for an outlet. That's what I should be making a living practicing and sharing. But this world is such that it's about whatever can make you a buck or a pound. So I went into a bit of a down phase.

I woke up this morning and couldn't shake a continued deep pain, anguish and sadness. This time I felt it as the loss of my dream of ever meeting a soulmate or twin flame. It's easy to get into coupledom. Any old fool can settle for whoever likes them. But to be able to attract your energetic match and opposite in another and to do great work together in life, and love each other is a different story.

I don't know that many people want this kind of love. Many want a partner for security (and that's not a bad thing as coupledom certainly offers some of that). Others want the appropriate set-up to start a family (nothing wrong with wanting offspring either). Others are just bored and lonely (this may be the worst reason to seek out an earthly or spiritual partnership).

Anyway, I am a weirdo on this planet--some bizarre alien. I still have this romanticised notion of finding a spiritual partner who I love on many levels (familial, romantic, sexual, intellectual, spiritual). Perhaps it's unrealistic and I was--in a sense--born on the wrong planet. But that's just me.

So my pain over not seeing this in my future has overwhelmed me. I thought I met my partner a few months back but he was a phoney. And shame on me for not having seen through it--alas, I saw what I wanted to see: a brave, strong, wonderful man who I could join my life with).

I feel like I'm experiencing all this pain about my loves (creativity and the spiritual/romantic ideal) because of the recent solar blast towards the planet Venus. It happened yesterday afternoon and has lasted about 13 hours. Apparently, it was so forceful (and Venus has no protection against CME's) that it took out a chunk of the planet.

For those of you who believe in astrology--or at least enjoy it as something entertaining--I believe that the reading of the planets will continue to be largely affected by all of this solar activity and these storms. If we're going to ascribe meanings to physical objects (planets), we must take into account when an outside force (a CME or related solar storm) takes out a chunk of such objects.

End of the Ninth Wave... What's it All About, Alfie?

As I sit here on the eve of the October 28th culmination date of the Mayan Calendar (as seen by Carl Johan Calleman) I feel a sense of overwhelm. Today was quite intense, a real crescendo in so many ways.

But I'm happy to say that it's ended on a loving fulfilled note. I know what the future holds...because the future is now. The future is happening no so quickly that every moment counts. Every moment is an eternity.

We are living in dream time in the reality. We have arrived. I don't believe this is 'leading' anywhere. Some people are attached to romanticised notions of aliens landing in ships, or humans returning to motherships or angels sweeping them up into the heavens.

These are lovely, romantic thoughts and I don't discount them. It's so important to have a rich imagination and to be creative in these times. I just don't resonate with that. I resonate with the fact that everything is right here for the taking now.

The more we 'plan' for the future the more we stumble. The more we reside in the moment, taking everything day by day, hour by hour, the more we thrive and prosper. This is the end of time...time as we knew it.

Tomorrow, 13 Ahau is perhaps the pinnacle and culmination point of it all. What will that mean? Whatever it means for you. It can mean letting go of the 'old time,' it can mean manifesting a new world. It can mean being focused on what's right in front of you.

I am feeling particularly emotional these days but I am accepting of that. I may feel emotional tomorrow. Who knows? But I would like to set the intention that I look at what I have and appreciate it and know (beyond words) that that will lead me to more bliss. I hope not to plan too much but to be pleasantly surprised by life.

In the Midst of Major Transformation

I just had to write and check in before the mass ascension day of October 28th (13 Ahau) in the Mayan Calendar's Ninth Wave. 

What a short, strange trip it's been. Just when I thought everything was cooling down--that's what the alternating "nights" of this cycle are for--things really started heating up again since the beginning of the final 7th Day of the cycle (October 12th).

I have suffered a weighty sense of overwhelm coupled with a tremendous amount of anxiety and dissociation. As I write this, I feel a bit dizzy and spacey. Insomnia has been another symptom. During several nights, I felt like my whole life (in the form of different details, problems, people, emotions) was being played in my head like a 'greatest hits' and 'greatest flubs.' There was so much information to process I thought my head would explode.

Other times it's been less mental. I simply feel overwhelmed, spacey and exhausted. I will have anxiety attacks and then go home only to realise that having a good long cry fixes the problem. It's a matter of releasing all the toxins. And when they accumulate and have no release, they form a wave of anxiety. 

However, I will say that in previous days and nights of the ninth wave of the Mayan Calendar, a good hour long cry would get all the detritus out for at least a week or two. Now I cry for that long, feel cleansed and good and then need to cry-release again 24 hours later.

It all seems to be reaching a head--an energetic zenith. And the fear is mounting side-by-side with a sense of overwhelm from all the love that I see wafting around. I suddenly had the realisation that the anxiety attacks, uneasiness, overwhelm, exhaustion and fear are not what the shift in consciousness is all about. These are the catharsis and also the deterrents of unity consciousness.

If you flow through them (cathartically) you can let them go and make more room for the light of new consciousness. And the latter feels good, blissful, easy and fine. It is the hanging onto and amassing of the old energies that causes all the pain and discomfort.

Another symptom of ascension for me (this week) was a dream bleed. I dreamt I was attending a stranger's funeral. The next day, walking through a town in South of France, my friend and I inadvertently stumbled upon a stranger's funeral. The people were gathering together and the priest was getting ready to start the services.

To me the stranger's funeral (whether in dream form or reality) represented the death of a part of me that isn't me--some level of the ego has been dying. 

Another message I'm personally getting from the universe this week is to have faith in love and men. So many of my friends have been struggling with terrible situations that have caused them to be hopeless when it comes to relationships. I too saw the person I thought was my twin soul, turn into a selfish coward before my eyes.

Yet, during this past week, messages have been coming in--in dream form and waking form--to tell me to have faith in the benevolence of men. In waking life, I have seen men behave with an incredible amount of nobility and character this week. One such man was pretty much a stranger to me. 

His actions were so benevolent and honourable. In less than 24 hours, he behaved with more class, integrity and spiritual wholeness than the man I had been seeing (and then heartbroken over) had in the months of our connection. 

Time is irrelevant in these days. It's energy, action and intention. It matters not how long you've known someone or whether you've thoroughly measured a situation. What matters is action--in yourself and in others.

Words can be a smokescreen and that in and of itself is evil. When someone tells you a lie in order to make themselves feel better or uses words to placate you or manipulate you for whatever reason (personal, in business, etc.) it is patently evil. The Occupy Wall Street protestors know this. That's why they're out there picketing. They don't want to hear flimsy words. They want to see valiant action from their representatives.

There is also a time for no words. That time is drawing near. It's a time to just be together, enjoy each other's company, smile, be happy and not always have to fill the void with phrases. 

I love conversation, and sometimes it can be a fantastic connector. But sometimes conversations cause a disconnect. At worst they're one-sided monologues. And when they are interactive, sometimes, they become tools of the ego--a way of self-agrandizing. It's happened to the best of us, myself included.

I once told the man who broke my heart that all I wanted was to sit in a room with him silently. We could draw each other, sculpt, do something creative in each other's company. Or we could hold each other and enjoy the silence that way. I think this frightened him. He was so used to using words as a way to prevent intimacy that the idea of giving up his precious smokescreen was mortifying.

I can understand why this can be scary. But there is a time and a place for words. I think I will go on a word diet and try to limit my conversations to things that I feel are really important express, and leave out the superficial icing on the cake, so to speak.

I am exhausted so that is all the rambling I can muster up for now. No more words...

Is Anything Happening...Or Going to Happen?

Apart from feeling generally unsettled a lot of the time (dizzy, visually and aurally sensitive, breaking out  in cold sweats), I can't say that I feel in any way enlightened or ascended to some other level of consciousness.

I've been waiting for a while for the 'good stuff' to come--a sense of unity, my purpose in the grand scheme of life, a soulmate, epiphanies--but sadly, none of the aforementioned have blessed my life.

I've even taken to praying (I'm not even sure to whom--Jesus, a cosmic being, my subconscious, my grandfather). I've prayed to understand why certain things are the way they are. I've prayed for a sign that they will be different. I've prayed for a path--to know, without a shadow of a doubt.

Alas, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm one of the so-called chosen people or one of the folks headed for doom. To look around the blogosphere and read posts regarding the Mayan ninth wave consciousness shift, one would think that everyone was filled with bliss and joy and a sense of their life's purpose.

Yet, I'm left more dumbstruck than ever before (in fact, in past years, I've had my share of epiphanies and wake-ups--and really pretty much not a one in these recent years or months). I'm not alone. The friends around me seem equally lost or still searching.

I had hoped that this whole 'shift' would mean an end to searching. I've tried to stay in the present moment and manifest clues or the right situations but I'm sort of at the point of giving up.

Even my dreams lie to me lately. I've had a couple of poignant ones in which people that seem pivotal in my life give me messages and they seem prophetic at the time but then they fail to materialise. I used to have psychic dreams all the time and they came true too.

There is however one more external thing that will 'happen,' in the physical sense and perhaps it will provide some clarity, the right connections, the proper path...alas, if I don't see something change soon, I may lose my faith and that's not a small thing.

Around September 27-28, an unusual (but I won't dare say 'rare') alignment takes place in the skies. A new moon will be in the same sidereal constellation as Mercury, Venus, Saturn and the Comet Elenin (sidereal Virgo). It will oppose Uranus in sidereal Pisces.

This alignment is similar but opposite in tone to the one that took place in the first half of April. During that one, six planets in sidereal Pisces opposed Saturn in sidereal Virgo. Of course Elenin is not a planet and if you read any of the news out there now, the comet seems to be disintegrating due to solar flares.

If this comet does completely disappear before its much-awaited October close-up (when it's closest to the Earth), my theory of nothing happening will be complete. This will have been the biggest build-up to the biggest let-down the New Age community has ever known. It's still possible it will happen so I'm not willing that negative outcome...just making an assertion...

As far as the meaning of the alignment goes (using 'scientific' info from the last one), it indicates that external matters would come into play. During the April alignment, I thought I had fallen quite rapidly in love with someone. Both of us completely went with our projected fantasies about the relationship. They were good fantasies. And why shouldn't humans have dreams and go with them? We live in a world of 40-60 hour work weeks, a constant barrage of 'noise' and financial stress. We deserve it.

Alas, when it came time to face the reality of the situation, he ran in the other direction. So in that case, reality kicked fantasy's ass. Reality was Saturn in practical Virgo and fantasy was represented by the stackup of planets in dreamy sidereal Pisces.

Interesting that September's alignment is in the same constellations but brings forth very different energies. On the side of the practical: Saturn, Sun, Mercury, Moon, and Venus--with a comet throwing in the 'x factor.' On the side of fantasy, unpredictable think-outside-of-the-box Uranus.

Perhaps this all makes sense for the world too. It does seem like we're straddling the line between reality and fantasy--or doing what's realistic and expected and living our fantasies.

I can only hope that these planets behave as expected (although if there's one thing I've learned lately it's to have zero expectations). If they do, it would mean a radically different approach to our daily lives--whichever area your chart holds sidereal Pisces and Virgo.

For me this covers creativity, romance, children and the whimsical (on the Pisces side) and friendships, social life and long-term wishes and dreams (on the Virgo side). I would love for life to change in a positive way after that for the world, for myself, for my friends, my family.

I'd love to be blessed with gentle but certain epiphanies, delightful serendipitous chance encounters with soulmates who stay in my life, that intuitive feeling of knowing how to be in the right place at the right time, a sense of healing where there is pain, a sense of open-heartedness for new adventures and people, an understanding of my life's purpose and the will to see it through with courage and conviction, the reunion with my twin flame, and most of all and most sensibly a sense of balancing wisdom and whimsy, innocence and sagaciousness...

Keeping it 'Real' in the New Reality

August was a rough month for me. It seemed like all my flaws, recurring ailments, issues were rising to the surface at once and life was pretty hard to handle at times.

The energy of September feels more balanced. In this place of balance, this place of 'no mind,' I have had some very strong indications from my spirit of what we should be aiming at in the day-to-day.

At this time of conflicting realities during the 6th Day of the Ninth Wave of the Mayan calendar, it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish truth from fiction (personally and en-masse). The information age has ushered in--not only disinformation--but also too much information, another factor that increasingly clouds our vision.

Because we are trying to process too many bits of info, too many energies, too many realities, our true nature and true reality (the seed of the soul) can sometimes suffer. This suffering takes the form of distractions that steer us away from the preciousness of the moment. Little is sacred anymore...or so it seems.

So, it is especially important during these crazy times, to observe and honor the sacred. This does not simply mean going to a temple and praying or creating a spiritual ritual in your home. It means making the facets of your daily life sacred by honoring them with presence and the energy of attention. That could be having the best damn cup of coffee in the morning. 

Perhaps you just had a funny conversation with a stranger at a bus-stop and it made you smile. Maybe you walk to work every day but have always been too busy to notice the cool architecture of the buildings en-route. 

Whatever it is, there are things out there in the manifested world, that deserve your attention. Your attention, after all, is what makes them sacred. And by virtue of their origins (the un-manifested thought) they are inherently sacred.

It is also vital that your reality become completely aligned with your spirit and with your own personal truth. No one can decide this for you but you. Everyone has a different personal truth (and then of course beyond that we all share universal truths). 

This means infusing your relationships, careers, hobbies, etc. with that purely truthful unadulterated energy. 

Relationships and friendships figure centrally in this practice. If you have friends who--for whatever reason--do not resonate with your joy, keeping them (to keep up appearances or avoid being demonized) only hurts your spiritual growth and hurts them. If you cannot speak about someone to their face as you do when they are not around, gently, kindly, politely, back away from the friendship.

How often do we sit around with friends bitching and moaning about so-and-so and what terrible or stupid thing they've done or how annoying they are. Personally, I don't want to live my life this way. I want to honor my resonant energies and that means being around people I wholeheartedly want to be around.

This is no chastisement of the people I don't care to be around. They have perfect energies (for someone who resonates with those energies). And they deserve to be around people who totally appreciate those energies without reservation. Oftentimes though, when someone senses you pulling away they will scramble to relentlessly get you to stay in their lives. This is again counter-productive to their spiritual growth (and only makes you--the person not resonating with their energies) want to run even further away.

We've all been on both sides of the fence on this--having people pull away and being the one who pulls away. I can promise you 100% that if your energies were meant to be together (and sometimes they are in the pulling away is simply a necessary temporary state), they will naturally come together again without coercive techniques from either party. But if someone is conscious enough to see that your energy doesn't resonate with theirs and pulls away, let them go. This type of 'taking hostages' relationship will not serve either of you. It is a relationship out of balance.

The same goes for partnerships. Some people will give away their dignity just to actualize a relationship. They will ignore all of the mean-spirited behavior and shine the spotlight on one or two acts of kindness. While it's good to recognize the positive, this sort of behavior is also a lie. It dishonestly portrays your partner as being some kind of 'do no wrong' savior. It also dishonors you for you are just 'putting up' with something and making excuses for someone when deep down (in that knotted area in your stomach) you know that you are compromising your values and dignity to be with this person.

You must keep it real--especially in these chaotic times of faux (Facebook) friends and ersatz realities. It is the only practice that will help you weather the storm. 

This also goes for your vocation. Sure, we cannot sit around for years waiting for the perfect job--we need money to survive. But there has to be some oversight by your spirit in the job process. When you interview with someone, do not lie about your skills. Be honest with yourself and your prospective boss or you will land in the wrong job--a job that is not energetically in-tune with who you really are at your core.

You must be honest with yourself and your prospective employer. Then, he or she is free to choose you in earnest for you (or discard you because your truth is not their truth). 

The aforementioned pieces of advice may seem obvious. 'Just keepin' it real' as the urban expression goes. However, they seem to be even more poignant in a time of global and individual transformation. As you shed layers of your old egoic self, like an onion, you get down to the core nitty gritty of who you really are as a spiritual being living a (hopefully) fulfilling life in earthly form. 

In this universal age, we can all acknowledge that we all come from one source and are tied together as one. Yet, we're all cells in this cosmic body but not identical cells. Close members of your cellular family are going to resonate in a way that sees your true core. You can still acknowledge the beauty and truth in others--but if you don't resonate with them energetically there is not harm in stepping away, wishing them goodness, love and life.

We cannot be everything to everyone all the time. So we conserve our energies for the ones who will see our inner truth and recognize it, for it is in alignment with theirs.

Shrouded in Mystery

The most challenging part of this period of ascension in the Ninth Wave of the Mayan calendar is the 'not knowing.' There is a sense of chaos in the air and quite simply put so much 'noise' that it becomes hard to hear the intuitive voice.

That voice is actually getting louder as well. Connecting to singularity means that all of our multi-dimensional selves are accessible at once--the ultimate intuition. The trouble is, with inner chatter (which is increasing), riots, tumult, political and social roller coasters, the Internet and social media and the loudness of all these influences, it becomes hard to hear the true voice.

Taking a leaf out of my friend Mystic Guide's tree, I am choosing (at least for today) to focus only on the epiphanies--the loud and clear messages I am getting from the cosmos. I will share them with you.

-You must be ok with the not knowing. The more you fight the enigmatic and chaotic by seeking (be it on the Internet or actively seeking around you), the more you prevent the intuitive voice from being heard.

-Similarly, letting go is key. Be it in the middle of a crisis or in the middle of a frustrating dead calm, the trusting power of the receptive cannot be underestimated.

-All of our karmic debts and issues from this life and the previous ones are coming up to be contended with. This is due to the singularity (all of our selves co-existing at once--the shroud is off, so to speak). Under normal spiritual circumstances paying karmic debts would be intense. But paying karmic debts from multiple selves almost feels like too much for one being to bear.

-Whatever your core issues in your life, they will come up to the surface to be released. This may seem unfair and like 'the shit is hitting the fan' but it is the only way you can clear them once and for all.

-Time is not so much accelerating but the amount of growth and learning experienced in a period of time is increasing (thus the sense of being The Vampire Lestat--a 300 year old human). So do not worry that there is not enough time to process or to get to the ascension pinnacle. You have all the 'time' in the world as the rate of change and growth accelerates.

-You are being challenged with your same usual issues again and again...only this time you are in an elevated state of consciousness so you are challenged to deal with them in a more nuanced way as you progress to the innermost (or highest) point of your development. Try doing things a different way (or thinking of things a different way) this time.

-Exercise the muscle that is the most atrophied. In other words, if you find it hard to be receptive and passive, be receptive and passive. If you find it hard to connect or activate, connect and activate. You are being challenged to stretch your perception of yourself. Be aware of this.

'Indigo' Genius Matias de Stefano on 2011-2012

Amidst all the negativity-infected doom and gloomers, comes a real prince among men: Matias de Stefano. He's not a God or a prophet. He's just an enlightened so-called Indigo child who sees through what is happening right now and has a knack for explaining it. Incidentally you should hear this kid speak in public in the above video. He is riveting and highly intelligent. Not everything he said in the video resonated but a great deal of it did.

Here's what he has to say about 2012 phenomenon (basically corroborating that it is a 2011 thing as well--by saying it's happening now--a few lines down):

"2012, a year that people are speaking about so much, especially December 21, 2012, is an equinox. It's the sun entering its spring so it starts to blossom.  

My advice to everyone for 2012 is to stay totally calm because there is no need to fear what may happen. There is no need to be catastrophic or sensationalistic.  It's just an equinox, the changes can be felt for days before and after. Spring begins days before "Spring," flowers start to bloom weeks before the spring equinox. Also, there are still cold days after the Spring equinox. 

So we must not think that 2012 is an absolute "day to night" change. It's just an equinox, where many things can happen. Things that so many prophets and people have been talking about, but it depends on each of us to live that reality.  

He who is balanced in their conscience, heart and especially in their stomach, which is the "I am," he won't live that apocalypse, not because the extraterrestrials will take them from the planet, because he won't see the apocalypse as something destructive, but as a possibility of change. It's just an change. Even the word apocalypse means this: it's something that comes after...It's a change, so don't feel scared. Don't be afraid. 

Don't believe in the natural disasters that people say are going to happen because you are already living them, it has already begun. And nobody says it's the end. The process is already happening. It's just a change. It's a moment where a period of time comes to an end.The Sun's night ends and it begins its Spring, dawn starts to break. 

This involves a huge change because the vibration changes, along with an electromagnetic change. Our brains, bodies, planet Earth and the systems we use like a computer, the video... work electromagnetically. Also, the Sun works through electromagnetism, so the light of the Sun may alter during the dawn of the Sun. 

Why? To be concise, when one is awake at night and sees the dawn, you can feel a breeze and the birds start singing. What is happening? During the dawn, everyone starts to go through a change, a regeneration. The Sun is going to go through the same process, that same breeze begins, but that breeze is electromagnetic because of the fire that the sun creates. 

So it's not humanity's fault that all this is happening, it's just a cycle, a natural process of the Earth where we have all chosen to be born and to experience and help everyone who doesn't understand this change. Don't be afraid of any electromagnetic changes inside your body or if you feel dizzy. Don't worry, you are not going to explode."

Below he explains the concept of "indigo" in the 2012 era, in less New Agey terms than most:

"...And this makes the Earth transform its energetic vibration. When this energy level changes it vibrates in a different way it changes color. The vibration level of a planet creates a different color due to the emanation of the heat. And all the souls have to adapt to that color. And the color that is vibrating today on the Earth is what is known as Indigo. Today people talk about the Indigo Children. It's not a group of souls that come with an indigo suit or some sort of indigo spiritual level. They are just new souls that are coming to work on Earth during this period. And to be able to be born on the Earth they need this indigo color to be able to work within the vibration of the Earth....What does this indigo color mean? Indigo is the color of the third eye, which we know as the eye of visions."

I find this last part particularly fascinating. I had noticed starting back about two years ago that when I closed my eyes in the dark I would see waves and lava-lamp like shapes in the colors green and indigo. Gradually the green has disappeared and literally now all I see are these moving indigo blobs.

I had actually reached out to some people who meditate and have seen these shapes as well. They seem pretty much harmless and don't have to do with anything physiological like cataracts. But they are definitely *new* in the sense that I never saw (or perceived) them before about 2008 or 2009.